Drop the Baggage and Put Your Hands Out
I used to think that the idea of forgiving was way out there. I had a reason to be angry at a bunch of people; my biological mother, the men who hurt me, God. I had a right to be angry, and I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of forgiveness. Forgiving was weak, it was disempowering and it was unthinkable. I felt like Edmond Dantes in The Count of Monte Cristo, when he says “Don’t rob me of my hate, it is all I have”.
Why Bother?
I am beginning to understand that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. I don’t forgive so that they are free, or absolved of their wrong doing in any way. I forgive because holding a grievance and continually feeding it harms me. It blocks my energy, builds reactionary anger, and overall reduces my ability to live effectively. Bitterness toward those who hurt me in the past colors my present relationships. I end up feeling suspicious toward and uncomfortable with those who deserve my trust today. I am literally withholding love, trust and intimacy from myself and others because I want to be bitter.
At the end of the day, the people who wronged me have to live with themselves. If their own conscience doesn’t condemn them, no amount of bitterness on my part is going to change that. Those people are so far out of touch with their Source that they can live without thought or feeling for their fellow humans. In a way, they deserve my pity, not my hatred. Most importantly, they don’t deserve the right to victimize me further because I let my hatred poison the beautiful life I could have today.
What Now?
Are you harboring bitterness and unforgiveness? Are you hoping that the person who hurt you will someday come and apologize, and you will then bestow your forgiveness upon them in some grand act of generosity? Give away your forgiveness freely today and drop the baggage of hatred in the nearest dump. Don’t do it because someone else deserves it, but because you deserve it. The people all around you who want your trust and love deserve it. When you let go of the hate, you will find that it is not all you have. You will find that you have open hands to receive the love and healing that is all around you that you have been missing all this time.
I was in a similar situation. I just had to give it up. I called them all and forgave them. Not for them, but for me. There’s no need to hurt myself a second time after being hurt the first time. Forgiveness is awesome.
@Neal
Thanks for being the first commenter on my first blog ever.
I am glad to hear that you found forgiveness to be effective in your live. Here’s to freedom
I have found that there are times that forgiveness is impossible at the present time because I have forgave that person so many times and then she has found another way to hurt me or my children. To help with this I have conditioned myself for most the time not to think of her at all. This might not be as good as forgiveness, but for now it’s all I have to work with.