When I travel through airports, go to the doctor’s office, or pick up groceries on my way home from work, I see people waiting. Not just sitting or standing peacefully waiting, but stretched like a rubber band waiting. Brows furrowed, eyes forward, a slight scowl of impatience walling them off from the world. I don’t understand this aversion to waiting, this shifting, stomping, twitching stance that inevitably arises when people are forced to slow down and wait their turn.

We are a people addicted to action. Stop lights, which really should be called go lights, are viewed as obstacles to action. Waiting an extra few minutes for the doctor to finish up with her previous patient is treated as a severe inconvenience, instead of an opportunity to be still. Stillness is anathema to our modern lifestyle. Stillness is death, failure and decay. Only action brings life, light and salvation. Action is growth and moving toward success. If you aren’t moving forward, you are moving backward. I am sure you can come up with a few cheesy action cliches of your own. We all carry them in our back pocket, waiting to pull them out so we can motivate ourselves to action.

I used to be that impatient, scowling man who could barely stand in line anywhere. I would get upset at Starbucks waiting for my mocha, I would feel my blood pressure rise seeing all of the full registers at the grocery store. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point, I got sick and tired of being so angry all of the time. I didn’t like that slight ache in my jaw and the back of my neck that I would feel after waiting in line. I didn’t like the person I became when the traffic was heavy, and I couldn’t get through as quickly as I wanted. I realized that I needed to make a serious change in the way I handled delays and waiting if I was going to become the kind of person I really wanted to be.

Making this kind of change requires conscious action. It is important that you plan ahead of time to be ready when those stress inducing situations arise. How have I handled my aversion to waiting?

1. Take a deep breath. Really, just stop and take a deep breath. Stop thinking, don’t take any action, just two or three breaths, while you relax your jaw, neck, shoulders and back. You will be amazed how much less anxious you will feel about the situation once you let go of the physical tension. You are letting go of that fight or flight response that starts to take over when you feel stressed and angry, and giving your rational mind space to make better decisions.
2. Stop the stories. It’s incredible the stories we tell ourselves when we are stressed out over having to wait. “This always happens to me, things never go right.” “The universe is out to get me and make sure nothing goes smoothly.” “These idiots on the road are just trying to piss me off, I know it.” If you really want to learn to wait with patience and peace, you are going to have to stop telling yourself these outrageous tales. Replace them with new stories that reflect reality, not some over exaggerated sense of self-importance.
3. Give yourself extra time. If you find that you are angry about waiting and delays because you are frequently running late, stop cutting it so close. It is like the man who goes to the doctor and says “Doc, it hurts every time I poke myself in the eye”, and the doctor says “Well, quit poking yourself in the eye.” This is one area that you have complete control over. Once you accept that responsibility, it will be easier to stop trying to blame everybody else for making you late.
4. Bring a book. I almost never leave my home or office without something to read. If I show up early for an appointment, I can whip out my book and take some time while I am waiting. If my appointment is delayed, I can do something valuable with that extra time. Audio books are a wonderful alternative for the road, and will give you something else to focus on besides the maddening traffic.
5. Sit quietly. It was really difficult for me to learn how to just sit quietly and relax. Sometimes I meditate, but mostly I just sit quietly and observe people and places. In this crazy, on the go life, we rarely take time to be quiet. Use waiting time to practice this skill, and you will find the quiet inside of you expands and makes it easier to deal with the waiting that you will face every day.

If we are totally honest, much of our aversion to waiting comes from a sense that we are too important to wait. We are too important to be stuck in traffic, or too busy to have to wait for the doctor. If we can let go of that feeling of self-importance, and learn new ways of being, we can turn waiting into a time of personal growth and increased compassion for ourselves and others.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 26th, 2007 at 7:25 am and is filed under thought, transformation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed, bookmark the Permalink in your Browser, leave a response, or trackback from your own site.